See, supposed to do this everyday and what happened....

Life! Sorry, things are ok. I went to my dr and finally got the green light to exercise and resume everyday activities... whatever that means. Dr. said I looked great. I know I feel great but looking great?!?! I guess for someone who just had a 9 lb 3 oz baby I do look great. Never the less, I got the ok to start what I'd been waiting 8 months for. So, what have I done? A whole heapin' load of nothing. When I get it in my mind to do something... the baby is hungry, fussy, just being a pain... or the boys need baths, lunch, dinner... Laundry needs folded... etc. etc. I need to figure out how to work in a work out. Like usual I am putting my kids above everything else. That is what a friend of mine said and I was like..."DUH... who doesn't put their kids first." But every little thing they need or want I have become accustomed to getting or doing. And when am I left to do something for myself... at 11 pm when I just wanna go to bed. I am gonna work on this though!

Baby's napping

Well, my oldest son is out of school for the summer. The big test will be if I can keep my cool the whole time. He knows how to push my buttons. The one thing I have recently seen in Billy is that he and I are so much alike. They say you get one "pay back kid". You know at least once you hear, "I hope you get a kid just like you!" All those things you did growing up that drove you parents crazy. I love Billy don't get me wrong, but that dang kid is just like I was. He has to have the last word, he is always right, and tries to get away with everything by just being cute. Ok, I know... I still do a lot of that. With all that said, he is a great kid and did very well in school this year. He keeps his little brother occupied when Mommy is busy with the baby so all in all... he is definitely a keeper!

Day 2.... Stressors

I find myself a fairly level headed person... now. Used to be that every little thing that happened would freak me out and I would stuff my face. Happy birthday... "let's go out to eat." Trouble at home... "I need chocolate." I have never been that person who'd lose her appetite when something happened that wasn't ideal. I know that now... which is half the battle I suppose. And I don't allow myself to sweat things I cannot control. My mom can make her own choices... Amanda is a grown up... My in-laws will come visit when they want to... Bush will be out of office soon (lol!) Seriously, the first 3 things would have sent me straight to the fridge a little over a year ago and while things still affect me; I try not to let them upset me. If that makes any sense at all. I feel the urge to go when things get stressful, but knowing my weakness and the fact that I have realized I am a severe emotional eater; I have the ability to catch myself. When I am up alone and think I am hungry... I go to sleep. I know I also tend to venture toward the kitchen when bored as well. Like a smoker, they get in the car and light a ciggarette. I sit in front of the tv and think I need a snack. Bordome eating formed a habit. And we all know it only takes 21 days to form a habit... I am working on probably 21 years of boredome eating. Well, my weight loss journey is going a bit slower than I'd hoped, but I DID just have a child less than 6 weeks ago and by cesarean section so... crunches and heavy lifting are still out of the question so, perhaps when that is ok'd by my doc the exercise will help. I am far too flappy to not do at least 100 crunches a day. Have you seen Click? Where Adam Sandler's character is lying in the hospital and he has that flap? Ok, an exaggeration... but not by much.

Here we go...

So, what is this obsession with weight? It is a number right? Just like age is just a number. What is it that makes women so scared to admit those two numbers? Maybe not scared, but ashamed? Like the higher the number the less of a woman they are? What kind of shit is that, really? I am 31, will be 32 in October. I am not ashamed to admit that. I am happily married with three amazing little boys. I have accomplished a lot in my life so far. I am proud of who I am and what I have. Does that make me conceded? A bitch? So be it. I love who I am and I am that woman because of the life I have led, period. All the crappy and wonderful things have gone on in my life has made me who I am and that is someone to be proud of being in my opinion. Are there things I still hope to accomplish? Things I still want to see? Of course, but the only way I am gonna be able to do that is change. Change what I eat and how I live my life. Now that issue with weight.... mmmmm? It is a little scary to put it out there for everyone to see... but why? Everyone can see me; they know I am overweight. But those numbers... that shouldn't mean anything... do! But why? I hope to figure that out as that number goes down and my chances of contracting heart disease and diabetes goes down as well, since I have that on both sides of my gene pool. So, what is my number. 246... 246 lbs. It seems so strange putting it out there for everyone to see. They all know I am fat... but THAT fat? Sigh... it's only downhill from here on out!